just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
