What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
