what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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