dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
