HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize