Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize