What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
