I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
