when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
