Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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