It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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