I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
