make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
