It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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