I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
These tits shall not be calmed
I deserve this hangover.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
