you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
