***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
