Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
