Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
