You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
