he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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