I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
