so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
