Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
