i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Your cock deserves a montage
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
