It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
