The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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