My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
