sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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