nut hugger
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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