Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
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i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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