I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
