is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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