maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
