Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
