Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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