How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
