If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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