I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
