all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
