If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
