My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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