I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
