u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
