oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
