You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
