Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
