My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
