they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
