is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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