my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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