his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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