after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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