he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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