I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
