I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
