it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
