It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
