I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
