The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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