apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize